‘Ask Him’ is a new segment I’m starting in which I interview men (like good, decent guys) and get their perspectives on relationships etc. My first victim’s name is Nick. As you’ll learn, he is a 4th year med student doing his rotation here in Charleston who I met through a mutual friend. I was lucky to catch him before he leaves on Friday! Nick is super easy to talk to (an interview that was only supposed to last 15 min took two and a half hours) and all around an awesome person. I’m so excited to share his answers! A huge thank you to him for taking time to do this. So without further ado…
Okay Nick, what is your favorite color?
Um, it’s the color of nature. It’s what you encounter outdoors.
Like, a light green?
Actually like a darker green…like a forest green- a Christmas green.
Got it. So, Nick what do you do?
I am a 4th year medical student.
Ok, what kind of doctor are you trying to be?
Long story short- I feel called to serve children, they bring so much joy to myself and to everyone. And further, children are like, the fruit of the family and I want to help cultivate and build up families in that way.
What do you like to do for fun?
I like a lot of outdoorsy stuff, like kayaking, mountain biking, I like camping and hiking. I also really enjoy reading-
I prefer reading outdoors, yeah, I love reading outdoors. I love reading in my hammock. [This was followed about a whole conversation about different kinds of hammocks which I have omitted…probably for the best.]
What are some qualities that you look for in a girl?
I feel like self-confidence is important. Because without self-confidence, you can’t have a good connection. If they’re nervous about who they are, how am I supposed to get to know who they are? I think that’s ultimately something that’s really important to me and what I look for in a woman. Someone I can encounter, someone I can understand and grow with. But if they don’t see the value in themselves, if they’re not confident in who they are, I think that’s virtually impossible. [ We also talked about confidence vs. cockiness. Long story short there is something called ‘humble confidence’ – may post about this later on.]
Ok so, confidence, is there anything else you feel you’re drawn toward?
It would kind of go along the same lines as self-confidence, but more of…self-respect. Valuing yourself. So when I encounter a woman that is respectful of themselves…I seek that out more. I would like that in my future wife. Someone that challenges men to be respectful.
[We came back to this question later on and he said this:]So many of the things we look for don’t matter. At all. Period. If they’re striving to be a better person, striving to grow, striving to love more, to be more selfless…that’s literally all that matters. If they’re striving and that challenges you to strive…that’s the foundation.
How do you show interest?
I don’t have a lot of great history with this stuff, so I’m not the best person to ask. I’m not the type that plays games…I’m going to go chit chat, go talk, and I’m going to just go and be casual with that person. I think going out and talking and being friendly, there’s a fine line, but that can be enough to show your interest… when you’re clearly going out of your way to talk to them, to spend time with them.
Ok, what is something important to you to have in a relationship and why?
Friendship is key. I think it’s important to be comfortable with each other. So being friends ultimately results in that. To be able to be in a situation where you’re not forced to watch a movie or have something going on but just be present with the other person.
What is something you admire about women in general?
I admire how much women ultimately dictate men’s actions. How they’re incredibly powerful in that sense. How if they respect themselves, men act respectfully and vice versa. They have that strength, that innate power, for whatever reason. In a sense they have a higher responsibility because they for whatever reason -nature- seem to be leading the charge.
Would you say men lead in a different way?
Yeah, I would say men lead in a more practical way. I think the man is supposed to lead the practical aspects of the relationship. So being the one to ask the woman out on the first date I think is important. To provide for the family I would say is a masculine responsibility…Did I answer the initial question?
Oh yeah, I like the simplicity of women. I think men tend to have grandiose ideas and women tend to be more down to earth, very sensible, I think that’s a cool dynamic. They have a practical mindset whereas guys are worrying about big plans and ideas…the woman kind of centers them down and helps them focus almost. Yeah, simplicity.
What are some things you’re looking forward to in the near or distant future?
Looking for direction, understanding of where I’m called to be. Looking forward to some stability, our whole family has been separated for a long time so I’m looking forward to unification with them. I’m looking forward to residency, looking forward to the challenges that will come with it and the relationships that will be built…pretty stoked for all that. Looking forward to traveling, I really want to do some mission trips and all the exploration here and there. Looking forward to a lot of things I feel like.
Pretty awesome, right? Here’s to good conversations with good men.